The Day Of Christmas

It was the day of christmas.

There were presents galore.

Presents that covered the entire floor.

The stockings were filled to the top,

looked like their seems were about to pop.

The children were thrilled, as they rushed out.

They knew there were lots, there was no doubt.

I was awakened by the sound of excitement,

off to the living room is where I went.

The kids were screaming in joy and making a mess.

I wanted to pull my hair out, I confess.

I rushed to the kitchen and made some coffee.

All I needed was some caffeine in me.

The sun began to shine really bright,

wished the day was over and it was night.

Enough caffeine in my system, finally.

With the kids, I no longer had to plea.

All presents opened they calmed down a bit.

Got dressed and wore the sweater that Grandma knit.

The sweater wasn’t bad, it was real warm.

Would be good to wear, out in a snow storm.

 

We walked in the house, where our whole family sat.

Even more kids, running this way and that.

To calm it all down, presents were handed out..

From my uncle I received a singing trout.

I smiled and politely said, “Thank you.”

All that time and my uncle

still had no clue.

We gathered around the table.  Time to eat.

The dinner looked like it was really a treat.

My aunt coughed hard and out flew some ham,

out of her throat and onto my yam.

It was gross but I laughed real hard.

I joked that I needed a food guard.

There was also turkey, but it was too dry.

Was done with the meal, but I did have some pie.

 

We went home and the kids left me alone.

I sat in the living room, on my throne.

The kids wound down and all went to bed.

Finally over! The day that I dread.

 

Addicted To You

You’re like a good drug

that’s compared to speed,

Hearing from you is

like ecstasy

Talking to you really

brightens my day,

I’d like to get more

of you some way

Like a good cocaine high,

that lasts for days,

I wait to crash but

that’s where I stay

Talking to you is like

I’m on ephedrine,

And I just can’t wait

to do it again

I should come down but

I do not want to,

Think I may be

addicted to you

Jealousy

Recently, I wrote about the 7 deadly sins and I got to thinking about jealousy.  One of the 7 deadly sins is envy but jealousy is a tad different.  Not a lot though.  Like I have penis envy at times.  Not penis jealousy.  That’s the only thing I’m ever envious of at times.  Not too bad though.  I just want to be able to stand up and pee well, legibly write my name in the snow, fuck a warm apple pie….you know, the usul.  Jealousy though, is just plain stupid.

 

Maybe I’m just more open minded than the jealous freaks.  Actually though, I think that my former relationship taught me that jealousy is a useless and stupid waste.  I think that he took jealousy to a new level.  If I talked to any guy, they wanted to fuck me.  Even if they just asked the time.  If a guy was walking 5 feet behind me, he grabbed my ass.  If I put my hand between my knees as I laid in bed to go to sleep, I was masturbating.  Yes, he was jealous at the thought of my own hand giving me pleasure.  I never did any of that stuff but that’s what he thought.  Just one of the many things that make me glad he’s not in my life anymore or I’d be serving time for murder.

 

Then there’s a jealous person that’s on the other end of the spectrum.  The quiet kind of freak.  The kind that just sits there like there’s nothing wrong but later lets their significant other know.  I have this ex friend like that but I had no idea til recently.  I thought she wasn’t like that.  We did things together. Things that your average friend probably wouldn’t do with you.  I was just cool with it and went on like nothing.  Once there was another person involved, I treated it like I did before.  Like nothing ever happened.  Problems arose but upon recent pondering, I think problems occured because of her.  Not me or him.  Anyway, things got to normal again with us and one time me and her got together again.  Long story not so long…. 2 live in boyfriends later of hers, I thought everything was just splendid.  I got along with him and there was even talk about the 3 of us.  I didn’t really think it was going to happen but I just rolled with it.  An incredibly long time passed with nothing happening so I put it out of my mind.  Then BAM!  It happened.  Then, I broke up with her.  I ended our 23 year friendship.  It totally was not at all because of the 3 of us.  In fact, that in particular time I put it out of my mind.  It was just physically feeling good in that moment.  There was nothing emotional or spiritual about it.  It was just physical and had nothing to do with the downfall of the so called friendship.  Well, come to find out she never wanted that to happen and she was actually kind of jealous.  I had no idea because she was so quiet about it but she only informed him.  I put it out of mymind long  before I ever heard anything on the matter.  In fact, she brought it up to him when I thought it was just a thing in the past.  Maybe it was brought up because that’s the last time I was on friendly terms with her.  I don’t fucking know but if she was jealous for any reason at all about that then she never should have even let it happen.  I wish what happened wasn’t an issue with her cuz it’s no big deal to me.  No big deal to him either.  I mean it was cool and all on a physical level only.  If she was going to be like this over it each time, then she shouldn’t have let it occur.

 

I just don’t understand jealousy at all.   I mean like last year when I was dating this guy and he just suddenly stopped calling and coming over, I thought that he found someone else I didn’t get jealous but I was disapointed.  If I was with a guy that hooked up with another person, I’d just be dissapointed.  If I saw it in person, I’d probably choke him, then leave.

The Seven Deadly Sins And Me

I understand the majority of the deadly sins because 4 out of 7 of them are mine.  Wonder if other people are like that or if most people are just harboring one guilty sin.  First up, I’m going to talk about gluttony because I just ate a piece of pie with whip cream loaded on it.  They say “everything in moderation”.  Well, I don’t know if it’s because I have an addictive personality or what but I can’t really do anything in moderation.  I totally have an inner fat person that loves fried, sugary, fatty things loaded with bad carbs. I can usually curb her need for all that stuff unless I’m really hungry or if there’s cookies around.  Cookies….fuggidaboudit!  This time of year (just after thanksgiving) is a tough time to keep that bitch in check.  The only time of year I can drink egg nog and custard.  Oh how I love that stuff!  Just two years ago every two days I was buying new custard and egg nog; drinking it like the world was ending.  I drank 3 24 ounce sodas a day and I made cookies every few weeks.  Man!  I love making cookies!  Nothing like biting into a nice warm gooey chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven.  By the way, that’s tthe only thing I like cooking.  If my inner fat person had her way, she would be a total glutton.

I fight my inner fat chick off with pride/ vanity.  I work out all the time and I completely cut out soda.  I always dress to show off my body because I work hard for it.  I enjoy looking at my body and I really believe that other people should enjoy looking at my body too.  I know that I’m by far the best looking but I’m not the worst either.  Personally, I don’t see why other people don’t look after their bodies more.  Then they go into public with their big bellies hanging out of their shirts and rolls flapping all over the place.  Do they own a mirror?  Are they aware of what they may look like?  I think everyone should have some pride in themselves but some just take it to a whole new level of confidence and power.  (You Pantera fans will get that reference)

Lust:  Family members- If you got this far, stop reading right now.  Ever since I can remember I have done some sort of sexual thing.  Even if it wasn’t actual sex because I was way too young. I just did whatever with my friends.  Doesn’t everyone do stuff like that or is it just me?  I will not go into detail just in case my relatives didn’t stop reading this.  I remember having my hand down my pants as I watched tv and my mom said “Get your hand out of your pants.  That’s not nice.”  Not nice?  Sure felt nice to me.  I’ve always felt horny.  Even before I knew what horny was.

Anger/ wrath:  I have quite a temper.  That’s the bad news.  The good news is that the temper doesn’t come out very often.  It comes out in order to defend myself or just against stupid people.  Today the gas station was loaded with stupid people.  I went back to get a cappacino and some guy was standing almost  right where I needed as he talked to a group of guys that were sitting at 2 tables.  The guy didn’t even move like I thought he would.  I worked around him, just waiting for him to get in my way.  My blood wasn’t boiling but it was on a slow simmer.  Then when I went up to the counter some lady in front of me was talking on her cell phone, asked for a pack of whatever brand cigarettes and then told the person she was talking to that she was telling the lady to get her the cigarettes.  Without saying “Hold on” or even better, not being on the mother fucking phone in order to do her transaction.  Fuckin’ people are stupid!  People aren’t exactly smart with their smart phones.   I was so glad when I finally got out of there!

Greed:  I am a little greedy but not too bad.  Would be nice to have it all but I can deal with just having some of it.  It’s better to give than receive?  No, it isn’t.  How would you like to give, give, give with nothing  in return?  Just not right.  It’s a 2 way street.  But I really don’t have a problem at all with people just giving me things and money.  I accept gifts year round.

Sloth:  I do love doing nothing a lot but I don’t do it constantly.  Even if I’m sitting in front of tv, I’m not just doing that.  If anything, I’ll just figet.  Burn those inner fat chick calories.  My inner fat chick has a drill seargant for a next door neighbor.  So really, there’s no time to just lay around.  I’m even on the move when I’m sick.

Envy.  This is closely tied to jealousy but they’re two different things.  It’s really all the same to me because my envy/ jealosy meter is really low.  Barely even on the radar.  They are two completely pointless and useless things.  I’d get full of wrath, lust, pride, and gluttony at the same time before I got really envious or jealous.  What makes some people jealous, would just make me want to choke someone.

Kids And Cell Phones

I do not understand the fascination for cell phones. It’s bad enough that adults are constantly talking or texting on their phones, at all times of day- even in the car! Their also bringing their kids into this need to constantly have a phone in their hand.

These parents are texting their kids while they’re at school.  Texting them all the time.  Now, these parents say that it’s for safety.  I grew up without a cell phone and I was fine.  They say that when they were kids, they walked on the street and was just fine.  They make it sound like today’s kids will all be killed or kidnapped.  That shit all happened back then too.  They also say that they want their kid to be able to call them whenever.  Well, there are phones out there the kid can use.   People should automatically know where their kids are anyway.  Give them a certain time to come back and check in or if they’re at a friends not in the neighborhood then they should use the friend’s parent’s phone to call home.

It’s really not rocket science but I see cell phones actually making people even dumber than they ever were before.    And now, bring on the hate mail and arguing!

Horrific Wedding

I was a teenage zombie when I decided to get married to Jennifer on halloween. I couldn’t wait to touch Jennifer’s body during our zombie honeymoon and I knew she couldn’t wait to be the bride of Chucky.

The lost boys were my groomsmen who all wore the shining pocket watches I gave them. Jennifer’s brides maids all wore sleek pitch black dresses and they looked more like they were ready for prom night in stead of a wedding which is just what was planned. My bride looked stunning walking down the aisle and all off a sudden I saw a wedding crasher. I knew all of the guests but one. That guest was the uninvited. I thought it wouldn’t be a very big deal so I didn’t say anything. Besides, the only thing that really mattered was Jennifer. I wanted to make her happy and that started with me not saying anything on the day we had been dreaming of together.

We went through the ceremony and my best man handed me the ring to put on her finger after she put one on mine. The ceremony was over and it was time for the reception. I looked at Jennifer and said, “Well, Pumpkinhead….we’re finally hitched.” We ran down the aisle and went outside. We hopped in our car and headed to our destination but then I took a wrong turn and she thought we were forever lost. I turned the car around though and we were on our way to our final destination.

The reception was held in an abandoned asylum. Since I’m a white zombie and she’s a leprechaun we thought it would be the perfect spot for our halloween wedding reception. Everyone thought they’d see a poltergeist or two but never even saw anything slither around and we took that as a good omen.  The reception lasted from dusk til dawn  and we ran out as everyone threw rice at us.

We stepped into the limo and were able to smell the driver from all the way back where we sat.  What a reeker!  I had idle hands though and thought as soon as we’re on our honeymoon the better.  I looked over and saw an evil bong and grabbed it.  I looked and noticed that it was completely ready to use.  I lit it and inhaled deeply then passed it to Jennifer.  The driver looked in his rearview  mirror and slammed the brakes.  “What are doing?  That’s mine!”   Jennifer just put the bong down right away then the driver put the car into drive again.  Man, what a psycho!

We went to the dark water and boarded onto the ghost ship.  Right  away Jennifer spotted a couple of spiders and she’s got really bad arachnaphobia.  So bad that it not only scares her but breaks her out into hives.  We got off of the ship right away and headed to the nearest hotel for our honeymoon.  The hotel was perfect.  It was right up our alley.  At Motel Hell.

Me? Quiet?

Apparently I’m really quiet.  A bunch of people would be sitting around, talking and I’d just be there listening, not saying anything.  I wouldn’t think much of it but then someone would say, “You’re so quiet.”  My response is always, “I don’t really have anything to say.”  It got me thinking.  I really don’t ever have much to say.  There are times that I do have a lot to say but often when I have a lot to say, I’m giving someone a piece of my mind.  Not every time.  Any time I think something, it automatically comes out of my mouth.  I have absolutely no filters.

 

When I’m around a bunch of people I don’t know I really don’t say much unless they’re talking about a subject I know well.  I guess in a way it’s kinda like feeling people out.  One thing I really can’t stand is a non stop talker.  I haven’t been around one of those in a few years.  A few years ago, there was this chick that was fucking babbling non stop, about honestly I have no idea.  All I kept thinking was “Shut the fuck up!”  I swear I wanted to choke her just so it would be quiet.

 

Then someone would be talking to me and I wouldn’t say a lot back other than “Yeah.” or something.  Because I honestly didn’t have anything to say back even though I listened to ever word said.  I guess I like to feel people out before saying a lot.  Even after I get a feel for people, I still may not talk a lot.  I don’t really care what people think but I do to some extent.  I just don’t want people to think just because I’m quiet around ya that I’m ignoring you or being a bitch.  If I ignore you, I’ll act like you’re not in the room.  If I’m a bitch to you, there’s no mistaking that.  I just hope I’m not creepy quiet.  ha!  I think it’s safe to say I’m not creepy quiet unless I do  that intentionally.

The Last Time I was In Illinois

It was Tuesday June 24, 2007, the day of my”best”friend whatever number birthday  We’re the same age but I stopped counting my own age years ago so forget keeping up wth other people’s age.  She came over, we hung out a bt then we left.   We went right up the road to a bar that I love and we both had good times there.  Being a Tuesday though, the place had maybe eight other people in it and everyone was stairing at us.  We were the youngest in there at that time I believe.  There was this creepy ass guy that kept stairing and stairing at ME.  Not her.  Me.  SOOOOO I got up and I went to the other side of the table where I faced the bathroom door and had my back to the rest of the people.  Which I love to people watch but seems like everyone was enjoying watching us.  Then that guy…I was minding my own damn business, drinking my big ass slow screw talking to my friend and then the creepy guy came over.  I forgot his name but he’s a regular that has creeped me out on more than that occasion.  I got use to him but not that day.  Well, she saw that I was highly uncomfortable with everyone stairing at us & that 1 guy focusing on me.  Which is kind of unusual because I like being oggled.  Just not non fucking stop by every person in the place. So we left.

 

We had no idea where we were going to go but we stopped at the gas station and got a couple of Mountain Dews.  Oh how I miss that sweet nectar. After the gas station, she aid “How about the landing?  We ALWAYS have a great time there.”  For you people that don’t know…the landing is Laclede’s Landing which is a bunch of clubs, bars, restaurant, and a sex shop by the arch.So off we went to The Landing.  We had never been there on a Tuesday.  We had gone on Thursdays. Fridays, and Saturdays, but never on any other day of the week.  We figured it’d be dead but it’d still be fun.  Well, it definitely was a night to remember.

 

When we got there, there were an abundant amount of parking spaces which was something new for us there, since it was packed when we’d go there previously.  We took a swig of our Dews and out we went,locking the car doors before we headed off to find a club.  We went to one club that had about fifteen people in it.  She ordered her drink:sex on the beach while I had pineapple juice and rum.  She got up to dance and just as usual, tried to get me to dance as well but I do not dance.  I just don’t like it.  Then this black chick started dancing with her and I sighed relief and sat down.  Before we knew it, the lights had come on, the music stopped and it was time to leave.The black chick, came over with this short and stocky black guy with a raspy voice that was supposedly her brother.I was trying to fight heartburn from drinking.My friend approached me and asked if I’d like to go home or go to a club with these two people we didn’t know.  Now, I’m not racist and I was just seeing two people that wanted to keep partying but I didn’t think this would occur…..

 

We all walked to my friend’s car and the one chick went somewhere else.  We were just outside the club and my friend hands over her keys to this guy we knew for ten minutes.  Just handed them right over.  I wanted to snatch them from her hand before they got to him or sat “What the fuck are you doing?”  But no.  I just silently watched in disbelief.  So we went to her car.  He got in the driver’s seat and I get in the passenger’s seat since that was my seat.  She sat in back but scooted upby me so she could see where we were going so she could know the way out.  We went to Brooklyn, Illinois which has a slang name but I forgot what it is called.

 

We went to a strip club.  We got inside & the guy had the keys out.  This time, I thought I’d try something.  So I reached out to try to take them and he pushed my arm away.  I tried again, saying,” give me the keys now!”  The guy pushed my hand away even harder and said,”I got this.  Don’t worry about it.”  He put them in his pocket and I was getting pissed.  I reached for his pocket and pushed me away harder so I gave up.  I couldn’t fight him.  I would have gotten my ass kicked.

 

 

My friend was into girls and Hell I enjoy any naked body.  The stripper kept putting my hands on her legs.  I was amazed how smooth her legs were.  We were in the front row of seats by the stage and the short black raspy voiced guy was in the row behind us. The stripper turned her attention to my friend which was cool since my friend’s the one that likes chicks.  I turn around to where the guy was sitting AND HE’S GONE!   I told my friend to turn around and look where the guy was.  She went outside to see if he was by the car or if the car was still there.  I walked around the to see if I could find that guy.  My friend came in, freaking out saying her car was gone.  Here’s what I thought,”My soda’s in there and I only took a few drinks.”  Always the jokester even if it was just in my own head.  We step outsideand off in the distance I see that girl from earlier around a bunch of black guys.  Now, I’m not one to see a bunch of black people and think it’s a gang but considering where we were it was a gang.  I found out from the owner of the club just how dangerous it was for 2 white girls to be.  It was after closing and everone was going home.  The owner knew about our situation as did the cab drivers that came and one was even thinking a bout taking us home without charge.  The owner wanted to take us home but didn’t want any kink of trouble to happen.. She called her boyfriend that wasn’t too far away.  We rode off after six in the morning in silence.

 

After that, our friendship just went gradually down hill. It’s not because of that night but that night started it, I suppose.

Cynical New Moon list

A couple nights ago, I sat through New Moon, with a pen and paper, writing down my thoughts during the movie.  So I can enjoy making fun of it & people can enjoy reading it.  I hope, anyway.  I know there must be more but these are what I wrote down as I watched it.  I’m not sitting through that again.

 

1.The vampire is 109 years old and still in school?  Talk about a dumbass!

 

2.The people in school don’t say a word to vampire about his red cheeks and ruby red lips.  If that was real he would have had his ass kicked for wearing make up.

 

3.Non killing vampires?  Come on!  What kind of pussy shit is that?  Rip into a human jugular vein & then ya have a real vampire.

 

4.Vampires don’t fucking sparkle!

 

5.I would love to  punch the creator of this right in the throat.  I mean the 1 who started it all.  The author of the books.

 

6.  The girl’s girl friend is so damn  annoying I want to choke her as I listen to her speak.

 

7.  The lead female must be a lesbian.  She loves pussies.

 

8. How is getting a tattoo & haircut relevant to becoming a werewolf?

 

9. He says he was BORN a werewolf.  Werewolves are MADE from a werewolf bite, if the bitten 1 survives.

 

10.  This movie makes me want to headbut a teenager.

 

11.  They should have just had a threesome and just got it over with.

Right name, Wrong Number

I called my friend Matt and I thought he’d answer since I just hung up the phone with him.  I forgot to mention something so I caled him right back.  Only a female answered so I thought it was his girfriend only it didn’t quite sound like her. I was like, “Uhhhh is Matt there?”

She said in a kind of defensive tone, “No. He isn’t.  Who is this?”

 

I replied, “That’s odd.  I just talked to him.  This is Jenny.”

.

She asked, “Well what do you want?”

I replied, “I just wanted to tell him something.Guess I won’t” (Ok That’s not it but I can not remember what I said here.  Wasn’t too different from what I put)

I hung up and I thought that was that.  Then I thought that was a strange experience so I carefully called Matt and he answered.  I told him what I was going to tell him & told him about what happened.  I went to help him out and I came back home.  After I was home about fifteen minutes the phone rang and on the caller id was the wrong number I called.  I thought it was going to be a unique experience if I answered so I  answed thinking it was going to be that chick causing trouble.

In stead, it was a guy’s voice.  “Did you call me?”

Oh boy.  Not only is she a fucking whack job, so is he.  All I said though was a simple, “No.”  I could have said I did but it was a wrong number but I wasn’t calling him.  I was far too tired to even thhink.  Plus my mom happened to be there so I couldn’t say what I was thinking.  If I did say what I was thinking, just imagine the problems I would have had.  All from a wrong number to a guy with apparently the same name as my friend.

The guy then skeptically asked, “Who is this?”

I just rolled my eyes as I hung up.  Have they never got a wrong number before?  I have a big imagination and I just imagined that if I said what I really wanted to say, they’d track me down and murder me or something.  So be SURE you call the right number.

I post something talking about a subject that annoys me or if I’m just venting, almost always somebody thinks that I’m just being bitchy.  I have a whole pic folder dedicated to things that annoy me.  But that shit is funny!  I say what other people think.  A lot of people think it’s hillarious (as I do) and some people think it’s really insulting.  I’m not friends with the people that are really offended by my humor.  Nobody should take life so seriously.  Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 

Then I got to thinking:  A lot of professional comedians do the same exact thing. Observational humor.   I’ll never be a professional comedian, unless me hyperventalating and my knees shaking is funny.  I have stage freight and THAT will never happen.  I’m more of  behind the scenes type; less nerve wracking.  But, I do think like a comedian.  Everything is funny and has great knee slapping potential.   If I’m not laughing with you, you can bet your sweet ass that I’m laughing at you.  I laugh at myself all the time too.

 

I am not a negative person although my humor is. The glass has always been and will always be half full!

 

Thank you and good night!

More on Death…Am I Crazy?

For a while now ( at least all this year) I’ve thought that I’m gonna die at 38.  I do have a bit of a psychic ability.  It is AWESOME!  Some people can just sort of predict their death…Like there was this actress who was completely terrified of dark water her whole life and drowned in a lake when she was drunk 1 night.  I have no idea how I’m going to die.  I have no odd fear like that or anything.  I just keep thinking I will die in just a few years from now.  I often predict songs coming on or what someone’s gonna say, or what’s about to happen.  I predict things all the time.  I only recall one time that I was wrong about a prediction and that was recently.

 

But I honestly do not want to be old so I don’t know if I’m having a premonition or if it’s just wishful thinking. I don’t want to take my own life but I really can not see me passed the age of 38.That was kind of worded like if I am 38, I will take my life.  That way is not how I meant.  But no one will read this so it’s all good.  Then again years ago, I could never see me as the age I am now.  I kind of can’t wait to see if I’m right and I kind of want to live forever.  Everyone dies sooner or later though.  I’m only truly scared of HOW I will die.  Will I be in a car accident or disembowled while still alive?  Maybe I’ll have a seizure and it won’t be any big deal.  No idea but I wish I knew.  I don’t like secrets especially if it’s about me.  Let everything out in the open!  I’m an open book and I wish the very end of my life will be too.  Just so I could be prepared.

 

Speaking of being prepared, not long ago I requested forms to be sent to me about donating my body to science. What I would really like is for my body thrown into the ocean or some wild life for the animals to devour but that won’t happen though so this was the next best thing.  The forms came today and I looked them over and became sad.  I was mourning the loss of me.  Of couse it’ll just be my physical body but this body is sensational!  My body would go to a medical scool in Portland, Oregon if I do this.  They’ll do what they need then cremate the rest.  I don’t really want to be cremated.  I want to be completely used.  What I would really want is to go to a body farm, which is for forensic science..  The body would be in a freezer until it’s time to use then I’ll be placed in a setting and I’ll be decayed til there’s just a skeleton then even still the bones will be used.  That’s ideal!  Everything would be free, unless the body’s more than 200 miles away and I’m just a bit over 500 miles away.  So that’s probably out.  I don’t want there to be any costs.  I don’t even want a funeral.  A party, yes.  Funeral, no!  No mortuary, no creepy open casket, no grave site, etc.  Everyone wear jeans and t shirts or whatever your comfortable in, play metal & classic rock, drink booze, smoke pot, & get laid.  Normal party stuff.  Have fun remembering me.  Don’t be a Debbie Downer.   (I think I’ve lost my mind.  Hey, at least I’m aware of it)

 

 

The medical school donation would be completely free to transport me so I am leaning more toward that one.  I don’t know if I’ll have enough money in the bank for the body farm transport when time comes.  So, the medical school thing is what I’ll probably do.  When they cremate my remains they’ll either give them to a relative or sprinkle me on the earth there.  I do not want to go to any relative’s unless I’m a ghost then.  Being sprinkled on the earth would be swell.

 

I also have no idea if there’s a heaven or hell.  I think that there’s a whole nother side and the ba people just automatically get reborn in a new life.  But there’s no cold hard proof.  If there is a “heaven”, will the bouncer even let me in?  I have a very evil side to me but then I have a really good side.  I’m kind of split down the middle.  Once I had my soul read.  He was able to tell if my soul was black or white.  My soul, according to that reading is dark gray.  That’s almost pure evil.  I do believe what he said cuz some phenominal shit happened in that part of my life that you would only believe if you saw it.  The guy told me that about my sole before I even really knew him.  I don’t want to just be automatically recycled into the next life.  I want to mess with the living and come and go from the other side as I please.  A truly evil person doesn’t care about their sole though.  So I think I’m safe.

Heaven, Hell, and Wormholes

I have never been a really religious person and I like sciece over blind faith.  I have always believed in a god but it’s probably not a type of god that any religion painted pictures of.  For all I know God is just a ball of light.  I have always wondered the possibility of heaven, Hell, God, and Satan.  How can they exist?  I’d actually give myself a headache trying to come up with an answer for that question many times.  I need scientific explanations for how things work and how things came to be.  I do not understand how someone can just have blind faith.  I do believe in God because things I’ve really wanted and needed, I got.  Things that I have asked him repeatedly for.  I remember thinking a few times that I ask him for an awefull lot and I wonder what I would have to give in turn.   By the way, I will always say him and not capitolize the h.  It should be treated like any other he word.  Isn’t 1 of the 10 commandments something like you shouldn’t think higher of youself than others? Well, capitolizing he is putting himself higher than other.  Who wrote that, anyway?  The only commandment that should really be there is “though shall not kill” and that’s done in war, anyway.  The other 9 are just bad choices.  Oh, and what’s up with “Though shalt not put any god before me?”uhhh yeah.  And God has a sense of humor.  Look at the platypus for instance.

 

Then there’s Hell.  For some religions Hell doesn’t even exist but I don’t have a religion other than paganism.  Even with paganism, I still don’t know a great deal.  I have no idea if pagans believe in that.  Here’s what I thiought:  I thought that if you’re bad ya just get reborn into another body.  Ya don’t spend time on the other side at all.  But I’ve heard stories of people that died and most went to heaven but some went to hell.  Their stories seem really convincing and somewhat alike.  So who knows?  I’ve also thought the possibility of you’re dreaming even though you’re dead so I put that idea out of my head since it’s not scientifically possible.

 

Then I was watching The Science channel and they were talking about wormholes.  They said that other planets, in other galaxies can have these worm holes they can go in and travel to another planet in a short time.  For example if traveling by space ship it’d take many light years but through worm holes more like 3 years.  Earth doesn’t have the technology  and know how to go about getting a worm hole yet.  Other planets are way more advanced than  earth and we have no way of seeing since it’d take light years.

 

So now I have a belief or more like a theory that there is a heaven and hell, they can just travel through worm holes to get to us or even just to look at us.  I like this idea and it makes god and the devil more logical.  I’m all about logic.

Growing Old

A lot of people see themselves getting old, being grandparents and even great grand parents, or even great great grandparents.  My son had one great great grandma a few years ago.  Not many people have that.  Not like the great great grand parent or child would even have a clue.  The majority of the people I know, do not mind at all growing old.  The idea of being old is really unappealing to me.

 

I do not want wrinkles (though you can see damn laugh lines on me.  I can’t help it that everything is so fucking funny.)  gray hair, loss of memory, becoming crazier, weaker, losing control of bladder, etc.  None of that sounds good to me.  I don’t understand why anyone would  want someone to take care of them like they’re a baby.  I don’t even like anyone trying to take care of me when I’m sick.

 

I think I’m safe though because I have a feeling I’m not going to live past 38.  Sounds odd, I know but people can predict their deaths.  They just have no idea it’s an actual prediction.  Maybe it’s wishful thinking since I really REALLY do NOT want to be old.  Though if it really was wishful thinking I would’ve chosen next year.  I didn’t chose the number though.  It just came to me.

 

I don’t mind if everyone around me grows old.  I just don’t want it to happen to me.  Time will only tell what will happen.

My Cynical Twilight Eclipse Review

I though I did this a long time ago but it turns out, I just kept putting this off.  I wrote a list while watching that 1st twilight movie last year or whatever about my thoughts as I watched it.  Then I came here and put the list in blog form.  I’ve done the same thing with Eclipse.  This is cynical and I hope humorus. I know it’s not even really a review.  Whatever. If you don’t like it, don’t continue reading, and be sure to remove the stick out of your ass.  Okay with that said, here’s what I wrote down as I watched.

 

Right out of the gate, the vamp & the girl are kissig in a field of flowers in the sun. That vampire needs to burst into flames.

 

Nice lipstick on the vamp.  I thought vamps were dead.  So why’s he got ruby red lips and cheeks?  Fucking horrid!

 

Stake him then go find the Lost Boys or something.

 

Nobody notices the vamp just can’t get out of school?  He graduates then comes back to school yearly?  The teachers don’t question that?

 

She’s not the least bit creeped out or pissed off that the vamp constantly watches and follows her? He’s got severe jealousy issues.  Stake him!

 

What’s up with the wolves not being more vicious and going on killing sprees?

 

The blond vamp chick is kinda hot.

 

Maybe I just don’t like Robert Patinson or something cuz I think he’s the ugliest of all the vampires.

 

The wolves are as big as a fucking horse!  Who directed this shit?

 

She said yes to marriage so he’d fuck her.  She graduated high school and still a virgin.  She’s desperate.

 

She wants to spend eternity with a clingy, jealous freak?  Stake her!!

 

Vampires don’t fucking sparkle!!!

 

She doesn’t budge when the 2 are tlking right above her.  I’d be like “Stfu!  I’m trying to sleep!”

 

Poor Wolf.  She wants to be with a cold, jealous clingy freak in stead. BURN

 

Why are they in that fucking lame ass field of flowers again?

 

Marriage is til death do you part.  They are gonna have a long miserable existance.

 

Well, that’s it.  I’m sure there’s more but that’s all I caught & I am so not sitting through it again.

facebook making people less social?

I’ve read in a few places and even saw on the news that facebook is making people even less social.  They said that in stead of being actual functioning creatures of society, they’d rather sit behind their computer at facebook and other social networking sites. These things have also said that people also go out to dinner or a party, etc and are glued to facebook on their cell phones.  I don’t have a cell phone so that part doesn’t apply to me.  Actually the first part doesn’t apply to me either.

 

I have 280 friends on there and I consider them all my friends.  Some I know better than others and some are actually my favorites.  Yes, I have favorite friends but I’m not telling which ones are my favorites.  Some I’ve known since I was little, a lot of them I knew in school and while I associated with them I know them better now because of facebook.  There’s also people I have as friends on here that I just know on the internet.  Some of which I consider great friends.

 

These news things say that you’re  less likely to socialize in person.  Well, I’ve always been a social person and if anything I go somewhere and see someone that’s a friend of a friend on facebook.  You can really get to know a person well through facebook.  I don’t know about anyone else but if I go into public and see someone in reality that I saw on facebook, I will go up to them and say “Hey those were crazy pictures.” or whatever.  So I don’t understand where these articles and news stories are getting their information.  This just doesn’t apply to me.

 

Through my observations, it’s not facebook but the cell phone that’s making people this way.  In my personal opinion, it’s making a lot of people turn into fucktards.  Oh, but none of my 280 friends are being turned into fucktards.  😉

Attn girls: wear clothes that part 2

  The only bad thing  about winter being over, is girls are all out now, wearing clothes that don’t fit them.  In public. For everyone else to see & be disgusted as they whisper to whomever they are with about the repulsive display.

  .   I was out with my mom & grandma at Wal-Mart, to have my kid’s picture taken.  Yes Wal-mart.  I don’t care if you hate Wal-Mart, I have no problem with the place.  Anyway, I was there filling out a card for the pictures.  Mom & Grandma quietly said to me,”Look at that.”  I looked over & was absolutely horrified.  I looked at the back of this chick & saw huge thighs, complete with cottage cheese.  That was fine, (the cottage cheese factor) cuz it wasn’t that much.  My eyes moved up a bit to see a huge ass, barely contained in jean shorts, that were, I swear on my life, 3-5 sizes to small.  That was sick, but I noticed that wasn’t the end of the repulsiveness.  My eyes moved up a bit more & saw she was wearing a tiny black stretch lacy top, that had her massive muffin top showing from all sides.  She wasn’t real fat, I’m guessing around 150 pounds.  But her clothes made her look like she was heavier than that, like she was trying to be fat. I didn’t see the front of her, or else I probably would have seen more wrong. It was like a bad car accident.  Couldn’t take my eyes off of the disaster.  Good thing I have a strong ( & at that time, empty) stomach.

  If I wouldn’t have been with my mom & grandma, I would’ve said to her “I hope you’re going to buy a full length mirror.” Normally I just make comments, within their hearing range, but this was an extreme case.  The most extreme ever.  But unfortunately I was with Mom & Grandma, so I couldn’t say to her what others only thought silently in their heads.  I would’ve even done the rest of humanity a favor, if I was there by myself.  I would’ve whisked the chick off to the women’s department, to get her clothes 3-5 sizes bigger.  Whether she would have been willing or not.  I would have dragged her kicking & screaming if I had to.  But I couldn’t even say anything.

  .

   Girls, listen to me!  I don’t care if you weigh 150 or 350, wear clothes that fucking fit.  No one finds you attractive in a 5 year old’s outfit. Not even guys who like plus sized women.  All anyone’s ever gonna do, is lie to your face & snicker behind your back.  Unless you run into someone like me, but the chances of running into anyone like me are very slim.

  .

   I’m just trying to do the world a favor, (maybe just North America) and if I have to do it through this site, well it’s a very small start.

The lies we tell kids

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy… why do we tell children these lies?  I never thought about it til I had a kid. 

When I was little, I was maybe 7 when I found out Santa wasn’t real.  My uncle usded to dress up as Santa & 1 year, I said who it really was.  I didn’t really care.  No skin off my back. Then instantly, I knew the tooth fairy & easter buny weren’t real.

Now I have a kid & I don’t feel like lying to him.  Not like that, cuz it’s not necessary. It could really upset or piss a kid off, I suppose even though I didn’t care. It’s not like kids are going to get any less if they know the truth.  But I’m just going with the flow, cuz everyone else says “santa this & santa that.”  So whatever.  I just wonder, why do we tell kids lies that are uncalled for?  It’s fine for some lie like”this shot won’t hurt a bit”, cuz that kind of thing is a necessity.

There’s a Thing Called Personal Space

When you’re at the checkout lane at the store, give the person in front of you a bit of space.  I know I’m not the only person that gets annoyed by having someone practically up your ass in the line.  The line’s not gonna move any faster if you’re standing on my heels.  And I know there’s people reading this thinking” What a bitch.” The people that say the last thing are the ones that get right up on someone. 

   Tonight I was at the store, in the checkout.  Put all the groceries up there, waiting for their turn to be scanned.  A lady got right behind me, not even giving me a foot of room, maybe  an inch or inch & a half.  I scooted up & she was there right on my ass, scooting up right with me.  So I stepped my foot back about half an inch & bumped into her.  She still didn’t get the point.  So then I kept kicking my leg back , hoping she’d stay back out of my space.  That worked for a little bit, then I was all finished & I got out of there.

  There was this other time that I was in the checkout lane & this young teen couple was standing behind me making out.  They stood so close, I felt I should join in.  I put my foot behind me about half an inch & knocked into them.  The girl giggles & says sorry.  Then I put my hand on my hip, so my elbow sticks out.  Once again, they knocked into me.  Now they both giggle.  I roll my eyes & say “there’s a thing called personal space and you’re in mine.  So back up.”  Then I picked up my pack of smokes & left.

   Those aren’t the only 2 occasions.  There’s many more instances.  Moral of this little story: Stay out of people’s personal spaces.  And if you don’t mind people in your space, the person in front of you may be having a bad day & you may get your head verbally ripped of for getting all up on their asses.

Racism

  On A & E, I watched a documentary on skinheads in Birmingham Alabama.  I wanted to punch each one of those ignorant racist rednecks.  They were all like “Whit power! One day we will get rid of all the blacks and jews”  How do they think that will ever happen?  Getting rid of all the blacks and jews is as posible as it is to get rid of all the stupid racist idiots.  Impossible.  They all had a crazy psychotic look in their eyes.  (coincidentally the same look my racist ex gets) I hope one day they all go to jail & get ass raped by a big bl;ack guy.  Whites are the ones who forced blacks into America in the 1st place, after forcing native americans to give up their land.  Who the hell does white man think he is?  We are all the same inside.  Red blood coursing through our veins.

  I have 2 cousins that are half black.  I’m sure they hafta deal with racism at times, but I never ever hope they are victims of hate crimes.  If so, I hope they can kick the ignorant racist moron’s ass. 

  I can’t believe racism is still around after all these centuries.  I’m kind of glad whites brought blacks into America, because America definately would be a bit duller.  We wouldn’t have had the musical talent of Jimi Hendrix, (guitar probably wouldn’t sound the same as it does today)Lionel Ritchie, Ray Chales, and many others.  We wouldn’t have the comedy of Bill Cosby, Chris Rock, Richard Pryor, and many more.  We may never have known of these inventions: furnace, air conditioner, clothes drier, gas masks, peanut butter, pencil sharpener, wrench, lawn mower, refrigerator, typewriter, hairbrush, toilet, or fountain pen.

  I just don’t see why peole have to hate, burn crosses in yards, beat, and kill anyone, just because of a different skin color. 

Reality shows

  Who’s idea was this?  It was ok when ther were just Cops, Divorce Court, & Unsolved Mysteries, because those were the only ones then.  Just out of curiosity I went through the cable guide & counted 100 reality shows.  I know there’s more that I’ve missed & way more to come.  

  Reality shows are so hot, only cuz that’s just about the only thing there is to watch.  Personally, I only enjoy a few VH1 reality shows. I was never into American Idol, Wife Swap, Super Nany, Cops, any court one, any MTV one, Fear Factor, or The Apprentice.  I seriously can’t watch Inked or Miami Ink, only because it makes me crave another tattoo, I can practically feel it.  I just wish sitcoms would make a huge comeback & knock all these stupid reality shows off the air.   

Vocabulary Enhancers

Language is ok without cuss words, but language is better with vocabulary enhancers, which are cuss words.  I got that term from an episode of Spongebob.  Spongebob was reading graffiti and when he came across a word he never heard, a dolphin noise came out.  He walked around all day saying “How the _____ (dolphin noise) are ya?” Mr. Krabs confronted him, saying that he should never say those 7 words (14 if you’re a sailor) again.

  They are only vocabulary enhancers if you use them in moderation.  I’m mainly talking about the word fuck, but all add a bit of enhancement.

  Noun: “What a dumb fuck”

  Verb: ” Fuck me runing”

  Adjective: “Fucking great”

  Greetings: “How the fuck are you?”

  Aggression: “Fuck you!!!”

  Confusion, Curiosity or Disbelief: “What the fuck?”

  Good Job:  “Congratufuckinglations”

  Intelligence:  “He’s a fucking genius.”

  Lost:  “Where the fuck are we?”

  Pain:  “fuck! that hurt”

  Admiration: “Nice fucking tits”

  Stupid person: “dumbfuck”

  Suspicion: “Who the fuck are you?”

  Panic:  “Let’s get the fuck out of here!”

  Directions: “fuck off”

  Maternal:  “motherfucker”

  Praising the Lord:  “Jesus fucking christ”

  Be quiet:  Shut the fuck up”

  Confidence:  “fuckin’ A”

  Enraged:  “I’m gona fuck you up”

  If overused, it’s no longer a vocabulary enhancer.  Once I counted how many times 2 people used the word fuck.  19 times in 4 minutes.  Now that’s too much.  Kinda loses it’s oomph if overused like that.  9 times in 4 minutes, is a bit more of an enhancement.

  I hope you fucking enjoyed reading this. 

video game addiction

I’ve loved video games since the days of atari.  I was about 5 or 6 when I played atari.  Had a Nintendo when I was 13 and that’s where the addiction really started.  Up all night playing Super Mario Bro’s, Battle Toads, Mario 3 & many others that I’d go rent. 

  A few years later, I got a sega Genesis.  I only remember playing Sonic & Streets of Rage on that, but know I played a lot more that I’d rent. 

  Skipped Super Nintendo, but have played it.  Got a N64.  Loved Mario World, Goldeneye, Rush 2,Legend of Zelda, & all Mario Parties for that system.

  Back in September, I took my N64 to Slackers along with all my games for it & traded it in for a used gamecube. Now it’s January & I already have more games for this system than I ever have for any other.  I have Mario Parties 4, 6 & 7, ( still yet to get 5)Wario World, Luigi’s Mansion, Sonic Mega Collection, Spongebob the movie game, Mario kart, & Cars.  I’m highly addicted to the gamecube.   When my gamecube addiction wears off years from now, I’m finished with my nintendo line of addiction.  I will not be getting a Wii.  When I play a video game, I expect to be holding a controller & only pushing butons.  If I wanted to do the shit Wii does, I’d just break out the power pad.

tattoos are like potato chips: Can’t have just one.

I have 3 tattoos & want another one so bad I can practically feel the needle pulsating ink onto my flesh.  Even though I have 3 tats, I’ve ben inked a total of 6 times.  My 1st one was a CFH on my stomach. A year later I had flames added to it.  The next one was a rose on my left shoulder blade, which I had recolored the following year. The year after that, I got a melting peace sign  on my upper right thigh, which was redone a year later.  I need, no longer want, but need to get aliens added to the peace sign.  Out of all those times, I was inked, I only paid $100.00 for the peace sign redo.  I haven’t been inked in about 3 years & I’m joansing for it again.  It hurts, but I enjoy the pain of getting tattoed.  And having a piece of unique art on my body.  Tattoos are like potato chips:  Ya can’t have just one. 

Attn girls: wear clothes that actually fit you

   Females, please please look into a mirror before you go out into public.  If you don’t have a mirror, go buy one. 

  It disgusts me when I go out to a store & see a chick in clothes that are clearly too small.  She has a muffin top hangin over her jeans & under her shirt.  Or she just has a big belly & the shirt is spandex like material.  That is so wrong.  I’m sure I’m not the only person that is disgusted by that.

  It’s winter now & the only good thing about this time of year, is I don’t see that aweful stuff.  I always make sure to say something to the person I’m with about their unfitting clothes.  Or if I’m by myself, I sort of think outloud, so they  hopefully get the point and never go out into public like that again.  I have a stomach so tight, you can bounce a quarter off of it, so I can wear revealing clothes. 

  Funny thing is, the chicks I see do this are white.  Blacks, Latinas, & asians always wear clothes that fit them accordingly. 

The World’s dirtiest joke

First I’d like to do some explaning about this joke.  I had never heard of it, til last night, watching HBO.  It goes back to the days of vaudville, but no one told it on stage. Mainly just comedians told it backstage.  It was just a long raunchy joke, that always started & ended the same.   A lady walks into a talent agency.  She says to the agent “I have got a phenomanal family act, that you’d be crazy not to book.”

  The agent says “well let’s hear it.”

  The lady explains “first me & my husband are on stage with our 7 year old boy, 2 year old daughter, our pet dog, and our cat.My husband rips all my clothes off me as I rip all his off him as the children watch & undres each other.  The dog starts humping the cat. My 2 year old daughter grabs the dog’s nuts.  My 7 year old son sticks his little dick into the 2 year old’s ass.  My husband shoves his cock down my throat to the point where I puke. Everyone then dives into the puke & rolls around for a bit.  My husband then rams his large cock into the dog’s ass, & the dog takes a big shit all over his dick.  I then squat over the 7 year old & take a dump that’s so hard it knocks him unconcious.  My cat & dog come over & eat my shit.  Then comes in my gay midget cousin, with a 10 inch cock.  Who sucks my husbands shitty dick & then fucks my unconscious 7 year old boy, who starts bleeding.  Everyone licks up the blood.  I lay back & the cat comes over & licks my pussy, with its sandpapery toungue as my 2 year old daughter is licking my nipples, and my husband fucks my 2 year old daughter up the ass, whose asshole is so tiny she can’t take it.  She starts bleeding & shitting everywhere, while the midget licks my husbands hairy asshole.  Then the finally is, my recently departed granny is drug out by her hair by me & my husband.  My husband then proceeds to fuck the cold stiff corpse, while the midget fucks the cat, the dog fucks me & the 2 year old girl licks her unconscious brother’s limp dick.”

  The agent says”Woah, what do you call this act?”

  The lady replies “The aristocrats”