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Jealousy

Recently, I wrote about the 7 deadly sins and I got to thinking about jealousy.  One of the 7 deadly sins is envy but jealousy is a tad different.  Not a lot though.  Like I have penis envy at times.  Not penis jealousy.  That’s the only thing I’m ever envious of at times.  Not too bad though.  I just want to be able to stand up and pee well, legibly write my name in the snow, fuck a warm apple pie….you know, the usul.  Jealousy though, is just plain stupid.

 

Maybe I’m just more open minded than the jealous freaks.  Actually though, I think that my former relationship taught me that jealousy is a useless and stupid waste.  I think that he took jealousy to a new level.  If I talked to any guy, they wanted to fuck me.  Even if they just asked the time.  If a guy was walking 5 feet behind me, he grabbed my ass.  If I put my hand between my knees as I laid in bed to go to sleep, I was masturbating.  Yes, he was jealous at the thought of my own hand giving me pleasure.  I never did any of that stuff but that’s what he thought.  Just one of the many things that make me glad he’s not in my life anymore or I’d be serving time for murder.

 

Then there’s a jealous person that’s on the other end of the spectrum.  The quiet kind of freak.  The kind that just sits there like there’s nothing wrong but later lets their significant other know.  I have this ex friend like that but I had no idea til recently.  I thought she wasn’t like that.  We did things together. Things that your average friend probably wouldn’t do with you.  I was just cool with it and went on like nothing.  Once there was another person involved, I treated it like I did before.  Like nothing ever happened.  Problems arose but upon recent pondering, I think problems occured because of her.  Not me or him.  Anyway, things got to normal again with us and one time me and her got together again.  Long story not so long…. 2 live in boyfriends later of hers, I thought everything was just splendid.  I got along with him and there was even talk about the 3 of us.  I didn’t really think it was going to happen but I just rolled with it.  An incredibly long time passed with nothing happening so I put it out of my mind.  Then BAM!  It happened.  Then, I broke up with her.  I ended our 23 year friendship.  It totally was not at all because of the 3 of us.  In fact, that in particular time I put it out of my mind.  It was just physically feeling good in that moment.  There was nothing emotional or spiritual about it.  It was just physical and had nothing to do with the downfall of the so called friendship.  Well, come to find out she never wanted that to happen and she was actually kind of jealous.  I had no idea because she was so quiet about it but she only informed him.  I put it out of mymind long  before I ever heard anything on the matter.  In fact, she brought it up to him when I thought it was just a thing in the past.  Maybe it was brought up because that’s the last time I was on friendly terms with her.  I don’t fucking know but if she was jealous for any reason at all about that then she never should have even let it happen.  I wish what happened wasn’t an issue with her cuz it’s no big deal to me.  No big deal to him either.  I mean it was cool and all on a physical level only.  If she was going to be like this over it each time, then she shouldn’t have let it occur.

 

I just don’t understand jealousy at all.   I mean like last year when I was dating this guy and he just suddenly stopped calling and coming over, I thought that he found someone else I didn’t get jealous but I was disapointed.  If I was with a guy that hooked up with another person, I’d just be dissapointed.  If I saw it in person, I’d probably choke him, then leave.

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