There were presents galore.

Presents that covered the entire floor.

The stockings were filled to the top,

looked like their seems were about to pop.

The children were thrilled, as they rushed out.

They knew there were lots, there was no doubt.

I was awakened by the sound of excitement,

off to the living room is where I went.

The kids were screaming in joy and making a mess.

I wanted to pull my hair out, I confess.

I rushed to the kitchen and made some coffee.

All I needed was some caffeine in me.

The sun began to shine really bright,

wished the day was over and it was night.

Enough caffeine in my system, finally.

With the kids, I no longer had to plea.

All presents opened they calmed down a bit.

Got dressed and wore the sweater that Grandma knit.

The sweater wasn’t bad, it was real warm.

Would be good to wear, out in a snow storm.

We walked in the house, where our whole family sat.

Even more kids, running this way and that.

To calm it all down, presents were handed out..

From my uncle I received a singing trout.

I smiled and politely said, “Thank you.”

All that time and my uncle

still had no clue.

We gathered around the table.  Time to eat.

The dinner looked like it was really a treat.

My aunt coughed hard and out flew some ham,

out of her throat and onto my yam.

It was gross but I laughed real hard.

I joked that I needed a food guard.

There was also turkey, but it was too dry.

Was done with the meal, but I did have some pie.

We went home and the kids left me alone.

I sat in the living room, on my throne.

The kids wound down and all went to bed.

Finally over! The day that I dread.

that’s compared to speed,

Hearing from you is

like ecstasy

Talking to you really

brightens my day,

I’d like to get more

of you some way

Like a good cocaine high,

that lasts for days,

I wait to crash but

that’s where I stay

Talking to you is like

I’m on ephedrine,

And I just can’t wait

to do it again

I should come down but

I do not want to,

Think I may be

addicted to you

These parents are texting their kids while they’re at school.  Texting them all the time.  Now, these parents say that it’s for safety.  I grew up without a cell phone and I was fine.  They say that when they were kids, they walked on the street and was just fine.  They make it sound like today’s kids will all be killed or kidnapped.  That shit all happened back then too.  They also say that they want their kid to be able to call them whenever.  Well, there are phones out there the kid can use.   People should automatically know where their kids are anyway.  Give them a certain time to come back and check in or if they’re at a friends not in the neighborhood then they should use the friend’s parent’s phone to call home.

It’s really not rocket science but I see cell phones actually making people even dumber than they ever were before.    And now, bring on the hate mail and arguing!

The lost boys were my groomsmen who all wore the shining pocket watches I gave them. Jennifer’s brides maids all wore sleek pitch black dresses and they looked more like they were ready for prom night in stead of a wedding which is just what was planned. My bride looked stunning walking down the aisle and all off a sudden I saw a wedding crasher. I knew all of the guests but one. That guest was the uninvited. I thought it wouldn’t be a very big deal so I didn’t say anything. Besides, the only thing that really mattered was Jennifer. I wanted to make her happy and that started with me not saying anything on the day we had been dreaming of together.

We went through the ceremony and my best man handed me the ring to put on her finger after she put one on mine. The ceremony was over and it was time for the reception. I looked at Jennifer and said, “Well, Pumpkinhead….we’re finally hitched.” We ran down the aisle and went outside. We hopped in our car and headed to our destination but then I took a wrong turn and she thought we were forever lost. I turned the car around though and we were on our way to our final destination.

The reception was held in an abandoned asylum. Since I’m a white zombie and she’s a leprechaun we thought it would be the perfect spot for our halloween wedding reception. Everyone thought they’d see a poltergeist or two but never even saw anything slither around and we took that as a good omen.  The reception lasted from dusk til dawn  and we ran out as everyone threw rice at us.

We stepped into the limo and were able to smell the driver from all the way back where we sat.  What a reeker!  I had idle hands though and thought as soon as we’re on our honeymoon the better.  I looked over and saw an evil bong and grabbed it.  I looked and noticed that it was completely ready to use.  I lit it and inhaled deeply then passed it to Jennifer.  The driver looked in his rearview  mirror and slammed the brakes.  ”What are doing?  That’s mine!”   Jennifer just put the bong down right away then the driver put the car into drive again.  Man, what a psycho!

We went to the dark water and boarded onto the ghost ship.  Right  away Jennifer spotted a couple of spiders and she’s got really bad arachnaphobia.  So bad that it not only scares her but breaks her out into hives.  We got off of the ship right away and headed to the nearest hotel for our honeymoon.  The hotel was perfect.  It was right up our alley.  At Motel Hell.

When I’m around a bunch of people I don’t know I really don’t say much unless they’re talking about a subject I know well.  I guess in a way it’s kinda like feeling people out.  One thing I really can’t stand is a non stop talker.  I haven’t been around one of those in a few years.  A few years ago, there was this chick that was fucking babbling non stop, about honestly I have no idea.  All I kept thinking was “Shut the fuck up!”  I swear I wanted to choke her just so it would be quiet.

Then someone would be talking to me and I wouldn’t say a lot back other than “Yeah.” or something.  Because I honestly didn’t have anything to say back even though I listened to ever word said.  I guess I like to feel people out before saying a lot.  Even after I get a feel for people, I still may not talk a lot.  I don’t really care what people think but I do to some extent.  I just don’t want people to think just because I’m quiet around ya that I’m ignoring you or being a bitch.  If I ignore you, I’ll act like you’re not in the room.  If I’m a bitch to you, there’s no mistaking that.  I just hope I’m not creepy quiet.  ha!  I think it’s safe to say I’m not creepy quiet unless I do  that intentionally.

We had no idea where we were going to go but we stopped at the gas station and got a couple of Mountain Dews.  Oh how I miss that sweet nectar. After the gas station, she aid “How about the landing?  We ALWAYS have a great time there.”  For you people that don’t know…the landing is Laclede’s Landing which is a bunch of clubs, bars, restaurant, and a sex shop by the arch.So off we went to The Landing.  We had never been there on a Tuesday.  We had gone on Thursdays. Fridays, and Saturdays, but never on any other day of the week.  We figured it’d be dead but it’d still be fun.  Well, it definitely was a night to remember.

When we got there, there were an abundant amount of parking spaces which was something new for us there, since it was packed when we’d go there previously.  We took a swig of our Dews and out we went,locking the car doors before we headed off to find a club.  We went to one club that had about fifteen people in it.  She ordered her drink:sex on the beach while I had pineapple juice and rum.  She got up to dance and just as usual, tried to get me to dance as well but I do not dance.  I just don’t like it.  Then this black chick started dancing with her and I sighed relief and sat down.  Before we knew it, the lights had come on, the music stopped and it was time to leave.The black chick, came over with this short and stocky black guy with a raspy voice that was supposedly her brother.I was trying to fight heartburn from drinking.My friend approached me and asked if I’d like to go home or go to a club with these two people we didn’t know.  Now, I’m not racist and I was just seeing two people that wanted to keep partying but I didn’t think this would occur…..

We all walked to my friend’s car and the one chick went somewhere else.  We were just outside the club and my friend hands over her keys to this guy we knew for ten minutes.  Just handed them right over.  I wanted to snatch them from her hand before they got to him or sat “What the fuck are you doing?”  But no.  I just silently watched in disbelief.  So we went to her car.  He got in the driver’s seat and I get in the passenger’s seat since that was my seat.  She sat in back but scooted upby me so she could see where we were going so she could know the way out.  We went to Brooklyn, Illinois which has a slang name but I forgot what it is called.

We went to a strip club.  We got inside & the guy had the keys out.  This time, I thought I’d try something.  So I reached out to try to take them and he pushed my arm away.  I tried again, saying,” give me the keys now!”  The guy pushed my hand away even harder and said,”I got this.  Don’t worry about it.”  He put them in his pocket and I was getting pissed.  I reached for his pocket and pushed me away harder so I gave up.  I couldn’t fight him.  I would have gotten my ass kicked.

My friend was into girls and Hell I enjoy any naked body.  The stripper kept putting my hands on her legs.  I was amazed how smooth her legs were.  We were in the front row of seats by the stage and the short black raspy voiced guy was in the row behind us. The stripper turned her attention to my friend which was cool since my friend’s the one that likes chicks.  I turn around to where the guy was sitting AND HE’S GONE!   I told my friend to turn around and look where the guy was.  She went outside to see if he was by the car or if the car was still there.  I walked around the to see if I could find that guy.  My friend came in, freaking out saying her car was gone.  Here’s what I thought,”My soda’s in there and I only took a few drinks.”  Always the jokester even if it was just in my own head.  We step outsideand off in the distance I see that girl from earlier around a bunch of black guys.  Now, I’m not one to see a bunch of black people and think it’s a gang but considering where we were it was a gang.  I found out from the owner of the club just how dangerous it was for 2 white girls to be.  It was after closing and everone was going home.  The owner knew about our situation as did the cab drivers that came and one was even thinking a bout taking us home without charge.  The owner wanted to take us home but didn’t want any kink of trouble to happen.. She called her boyfriend that wasn’t too far away.  We rode off after six in the morning in silence.

After that, our friendship just went gradually down hill. It’s not because of that night but that night started it, I suppose.

1.The vampire is 109 years old and still in school?  Talk about a dumbass!

2.The people in school don’t say a word to vampire about his red cheeks and ruby red lips.  If that was real he would have had his ass kicked for wearing make up.

3.Non killing vampires?  Come on!  What kind of pussy shit is that?  Rip into a human jugular vein & then ya have a real vampire.

4.Vampires don’t fucking sparkle!

5.I would love to  punch the creator of this right in the throat.  I mean the 1 who started it all.  The author of the books.

6.  The girl’s girl friend is so damn  annoying I want to choke her as I listen to her speak.

7.  The lead female must be a lesbian.  She loves pussies.

8. How is getting a tattoo & haircut relevant to becoming a werewolf?

9. He says he was BORN a werewolf.  Werewolves are MADE from a werewolf bite, if the bitten 1 survives.

10.  This movie makes me want to headbut a teenager.

11.  They should have just had a threesome and just got it over with.

She said in a kind of defensive tone, “No. He isn’t.  Who is this?”

I replied, “That’s odd.  I just talked to him.  This is Jenny.”

.

She asked, “Well what do you want?”

I replied, “I just wanted to tell him something.Guess I won’t” (Ok That’s not it but I can not remember what I said here.  Wasn’t too different from what I put)

I hung up and I thought that was that.  Then I thought that was a strange experience so I carefully called Matt and he answered.  I told him what I was going to tell him & told him about what happened.  I went to help him out and I came back home.  After I was home about fifteen minutes the phone rang and on the caller id was the wrong number I called.  I thought it was going to be a unique experience if I answered so I  answed thinking it was going to be that chick causing trouble.

In stead, it was a guy’s voice.  “Did you call me?”

Oh boy.  Not only is she a fucking whack job, so is he.  All I said though was a simple, “No.”  I could have said I did but it was a wrong number but I wasn’t calling him.  I was far too tired to even thhink.  Plus my mom happened to be there so I couldn’t say what I was thinking.  If I did say what I was thinking, just imagine the problems I would have had.  All from a wrong number to a guy with apparently the same name as my friend.

The guy then skeptically asked, “Who is this?”

I just rolled my eyes as I hung up.  Have they never got a wrong number before?  I have a big imagination and I just imagined that if I said what I really wanted to say, they’d track me down and murder me or something.  So be SURE you call the right number.